I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
