I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
