The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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