He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
