I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
