When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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