you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
