Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i think my cat just said my name.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
