Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
