she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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