Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
