sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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