how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
