I need to stop coming to work sober
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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