I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
