There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
two words: eviction party
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
