I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
