just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
