Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
