I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
