I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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