thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
