I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
