I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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