Jerry, you need to find god
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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