The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
