all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
