Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
