I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
