Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
