Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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