bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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