Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
