I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
