you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Less talking, more tequila
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
