Don't make out with my wife yet
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my being single is dangerous.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
