i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
