I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
