Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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