if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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