last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
