never play flip cup with pint glasses
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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