currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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