So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
