I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
