beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
