Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
