I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
