Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
only if we run a train.
done.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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