I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Randomize
