Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
