you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
