nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
