He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
