Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
